Oh hilarity

One of my few allies at work found all of my missing personal effects by walking through the area my former coworkers sit in. I can only imagine what happened when my boss got the call asking for my personal effects from HR.

HR: “Hello, we’re looking for Roller’s things”

My boss: “Ok, I’ll get right on that”.. looks at top of desk, Rollers’ things not evident, sips coffee for 6 minutes, empties own desk drawer of recycling into a box.. “I have them right here!”

Fuckwit.

Anyway, I wanted to talk about a book that I read recently called “Downtown Owl” by Chuck Klosterman. The book is set in the fictional? (? means I can’t be assed to google right now, for future reference) town of Owl, North Dakota. His main characters are a disaffected teenager named Mitch, a very average but lively young teacher named Julia and a grumpy old shit named Horace. Their stories never really weave together, but being that they live in a small town, you know they’re aware of each other’s existence.

Nothing really happens throughout the book; Mitch is forced through regular highschool stuff, with bullshit teachers and literature he doesn’t understand. Julia goes to the bar to stave off boredom in her new small town home, and she is the most popular woman in town because she is the only new single girl her age. Horace drinks coffee with his buddies and secretly regrets a lot of things in his life.  

The character descriptions and dialogue were so spot on. I know people like these people… people with nicknames that are based on some seemingly irrelevant moment from their lives (like a childhood friend we called Wooker because he yelled that out during a bad dirtbiking accident), teachers who got away with being sleazy because..well, I don’t know why, and neither does Klosterman (my jr. high vice principal had 2 black eyes from a bar fight that someone at my school witnessed and everyone accepted it was a skiing accident). I think Klosterman really captured small town life in a way that I have never read from another author. Well done. To use your own words.. you sir, are liquid fucknuts.

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