Dammit

Ok, so that didn’t go well. This is an ongoing pattern in my life of starting projects, getting a bit of momentum, telling everyone in the world HOW AWESOME I AM and then quitting. I am going to blame my fear of success.

Anyhoo, boob thing turned out just fine. It hasn’t really stopped my anxiety over every damn thing, but I am trying really hard to stop worrying all the time so I am not even going to talk about it anymore. Ativan helps.

The pantry emptying is going super. I have whittled down the amount of canned stuff to almost nothing (except blood pudding and a can of pumpkin). There’s a nice and reasonable variety of vinegars and oils, almost no snack items left, and my pasta/bean/lentil section is actually under control. The freezer is a disaster though; our fridge broke on Christmas Eve and we frantically threw everything in the freezer downstairs.. I am trying not to think about it too much.

My twins are the awesomest. They are finally saying a few words and running around everywhere. They’re very good natured, apart from the standard toddler jealousy. I’d like to attribute this to my superior parenting skills but I think they were actually just born this way. I am a lazy parent… here I am blogging while they contentedly dance on.. oh shit, one just fell off the couch.

Ok, tears are soothed. See? Growing up in spite of me.

So what’s up for this year? Well, my husband is going to go back to work, so I face parenting alone all day every day or going back to work myself. I feel terribly out of practice at my job, and had such a rotten experience at the last company that I really don’t think I can take that right now. And as I said, my kids are the awesomest, so I’d rather spend my days with them. But twins are tough. The highs are so much higher and the lows are so much lower. It’s a bit like being manic depressive; you never know which one is going to come out and what’s going to set it off. Just the other day there was a huge meltdown over who got to wear an empty cheerio box on their head. One twin would put it on and run into the wall, causing a lot of tears.. the other twin would chase him down to rip the cheerio box off their head in jealousy, causing more tears. It only took me half an hour or so to figure out I should take the cheerio box away, which resulted in frantic tears, beating of chests, hair pulling and hitting. I figure if you can’t beat them, join them, so I did a little therapeutic crying myself.

Like I said, growing up in spite of me.

It’s finally nice out today, so I am going to actually take the kids out for a walk. I have been hibernating most of winter, crippled by anxiety and intense dislike of snow.  But the days are already longer and things don’t seem as grim so it’s time to get back in the swing of it.

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