Question for the Universe

Hi Universe! I have been avoiding you for a while, well, because I don’t want your special brand of attention to be honest. Good or bad, I think we can agree that you’re very dramatic at times, I mean your origin story is a little over the top, don’t you think?

Anyway, I am not criticizing. Please don’t smite me. I have a question for you.

How is this mathematically possible?

Spring 2013 052

Seriously. Every goddamn morning.

I have spent approximately 11% of my day for the last four years trying to find matching socks for children. Is the problem with children’s sock manufacturers that they can’t produce a package of socks that are all the same colour? Are we overburdening ourselves with consumer choice? Should I reevaluate our sock matching priorities? Am I just terrible at organizing? Is this an example of entropy?

I feel that the answer to all these questions is yes, Universe, but I’d like you to provide me with a sign. Maybe in the form of an organized sock drawer. Or, you know, just keep ignoring me as usual if you can’t think of anything nice to say.



  1. Jen, I have similar issues and I want some answers and I want them now!! The other day, my son’s friend came over with mismatched socks and I thought Yay, I’m not the only one. It seems impossible, even if they could be one solid color I’m sure something would be off!

    1. I fear this is one of those mysteries that will never be solved. The problem with all the solid colours is the uneven washing; eventually you end up with one light and one dark sock. There are no answers but to live in a world without socks.

  2. There’s actually a sock company that sells mismatched socks – brilliant! Part of my solution is to avoid wearing them as much as possible – that’s why sandals are my favorite footwear.

  3. Those tiny little stocks stick to – and vanish – amidst everything. I tried two things: let the kid choose the socks (in which case, they have no problem with mismatched socks), or get a whole bunch of the same socks (this was how I solved the problem of “needing” orange socks; it made the toddler happy, and makes putting the socks together a lot easier).
    Best of luck, and cute post. Made me laugh. 🙂

    1. Those are both good suggestions. I find bulk socks annoying because they come in fifty different patterns and I know I am going to spend all my time trying to find matching ones. I normally don’t care much, but it was picture day, so I figured I would make a MPE (minimal parenting effort)
      Thanks for reading and commenting!

  4. I don’t have toddlers but I do have a soon to be husband. For the life of me I cannot distinguish between his dark navy and his black trouser sox. If it were up to me he would go to work every day wearing white knee sox. Grrrr…..

    1. My best marital advice (and my only marital advice because I generally suck at being a good wife) is to make him deal with his own socks. Or send him in non-matching socks to work often enough to take care of it on his own.

    1. Brigitte! I am sorry about being in the middle of a move, because moving sucks! But hopefully a fresh perspective brings you good things. And I agree.. toss, toss, toss. Moving is good for at least purging all the junk we don’t need.

    1. My dad does this as well; he purchases a giant bag of black socks from Costco every couple of years and then wears them with everything. Maybe not the best solution from an aesthetic perspective, but certainly from a practical standpoint.

  5. I don’t do stripes and since I don’t like to invest too much thinking into socks, I limit the color pallet to five — black, blue, brown, grey and white. Of course, one can never predict when one will enter the ether, that massive depository of Every Missing Sock In the World. Recently, though, the depository malfunctioned. Naturally, when I was doing my wash. I washed a pair of my grey socks, but what pops out of the dryer but a third grey sock. I looked for its pair in both the washer and the drier but couldn’t find it. So the sock was now officially MIA and I was PISSED. I returned home hoping to find my other sock maybe lying on the floor. It wasn’t. I ransacked my humble abode. No sign of that sock. Figuring it had entered the depository, I returned my clean socks to my sock drawer where my other pair of grey socks was sitting. I could account for both pairs, but now I also had a fifth grey sock. As I said, the depository malfunctioned. Since that sock did not have stripes, and it is size big-foot. I’m confident that it’s not one of yours.

    1. That is vexing, but I am impressed that you even put any thinking of all into socks. I make no such attempt anymore. Kris makes sure matching pairs go in the wash, but he has also had similar experiences losing one or having one appear out of nowhere. It’s one of those random mysteries of the universe. I do have an idea what happened though: it’s the Secret World of Og. It explains everything lost and found.
      Equally vexing is that children’s bulk socks only come in varied colour and pattern. I know this is a secret ploy to make me spend more money on socks.

  6. My kids tend to wear mis-matched socks now — as a choice — so washing them and re-creating pairs is next to impossible. When I give them a basket full of singletons they look surprised and ask where all the pairs are? If I knew then I would also apply myself to solving more pressing issues — those that don’t involve socks.

  7. I tossed out all of my socks (good will) and replaced my stock will all the exact same ones. I don’t even match them now–toss them in a drawer! However, I now have to deal with the whispering behind my back as I walk down the street, “Hey, didn’t he wear those socks yesterday? Gross.”

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