Sweet nothings in the shower

Now you’re probably expecting something racy, but I assure you that this ends in booze fueled accusations. We are living in a rental place with a very excellent shower. I do find myself bored in there after 30-40 minutes of steam action although my landlady assured me that “ladies love the body sprayers”. I have yet to find out why ladies might like them. Perhaps someone can tell me. So far they just feel like I’d imagine standing in a carwash would feel.

ANYWAY.  My husband is obviously bored in the shower too, because I keep finding messages on the wall made with our kids’ foam letters like “FIT SHUCKERS” and “GOOSE LUCK”. Yesterday was:

Note creative use of "v" to replace missing "a". So proud.

Some men might want to leave sweet messages for their family, so I am trying hard to find the meaning in all of this.

Today I found this:

What does it all mean????

This didn’t seem to have any meaning until tonight when I was drinking wine in the shower (STOP JUDGING ME) and saw that the outline of HUGE was still there:

Freudian slip of foam letter shower messages

Is my husband trying to say I have a huge boospie? What does that mean? I can’t think of anything singular that you’d want a huge one of (unless, obviously, you’re a dude). Does it mean bum? Does it mean nose? Does it mean forehead? None of these things are good if they’re huge. I don’t know.. whatever it is.. I BORE YOUR CHILDREN, OF COURSE I HAVE A HUGE BOOPSIE.

Although, to be fair, if it means ass, it’s probably all that Halloween candy and goat’s cheese and I can’t rightfully blame it on the twins because I burn way more calories chasing after them than I could ever hope to consume between tantrums. One of our sons  kept yelling “BIG BUM” while patting me on the tush at the mall, and I couldn’t even go and sob like I wanted to. I had to congratulate him on his burgeoning language skills.

So to my husband: a simple U R HOT or NICE CAN would suffice. The last thing I need is to be contemplating this while I am standing naked in the shower wondering what ladies like about body sprayers.

I will let my husband have the last word on this one though.